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Transcript:Treasure of the Blind Swordsman (episode)

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Master Fung: You are to begin a new quest and follow this map to the Treasure of the Blind Swordsman.

Clay: Looks more like half a map to me.

Master Fung: The rest will reveal itself along the way, as will your new Wudia Weapons.

Omi: I?ve always wanted my very own Wudia Weapon. *daydreams* Uh hahh! [Roars]

Master Fung: Omi?

Omi: Whoa!

Master Fung: Upon completing your journey, you will learn to use your weapon. But remember you will not pick it, rather it will pick you.

Omi: I am most certain I will be the first pick. I usually am. [Crack] (Table breaks)

(Fadeout) (Scene open on a desert plain)

Kimiko: Eew? I?m so over this!

Raimundo: Whoa, this place is rank! Smells like wet coyote.

Clay: Yep, ain?t it somethin?? How?s it going back there, Little Mary?

Dojo: I think I swallowed a bug! [Coughs] Or a bird.

Omi: The first Wudia Weapon will be found at Rattlesnake Ridge.

Dojo: Sounds like a? nice, friendly place.

[Horse neighs]

Wuya: [Sighs] You know what?s good about being a disembodied head? No saddle sores.

Jack: I?m surprised Chase even let you come along.

Wuya: Chase doesn?t tell me what to do. Anyway, he thinks I went to a sleepover with some evil friends.

Jack: Come on. We gotta keep moving if we are going to get to the treasure first. Right evil posse?!

Evil Posse: Yeha!

Hannibal Bean: The boy and his toys, how amusing. No reason not to have a fool how?d gladly do it for you. Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Guitar playing]

Dojo: [Slurps] Mmm? Dojolicious. Heh he Soups on.

Clay: Whoo-whee! Those are my favorite words.

Dojo: I call it Dojo?s Little Brown Surprise.

[Rattling]

Omi: I believe we may have found Rattlesnake Ridge.

[Chimes]

Dojo: Wudia Weapon at 10 o?clock!

Omi: Yes! My Wudia Weapon has chosen me!

[Grunting]

Dojo: Oh. Days like this, I?m glad I don?t have feet. [Gasps]

Omi: Oh!

Raimundo: Come to papa.

Clay: Looks like we?ve got a winner.

Dojo: Crouching Cougar! Shen Gong Wu! Pai!

Raimundo: Sorry, Omi. Maybe next time.

Raimundo: Well, dudes, the next Wudia Weapon is supposed to be here, at?

Clay: The Last Breath Cantina.

Dojo: Kind of takes your breath away.

[Piano playing]

Dojo: Catchy little tune.

Kimiko: Look over there!

Omi: My Wudia Weapon is calling for me!

Picture Dude: If you?re looking for trouble, cowpoke, you sure enough found it.

Omi: Uhh! Step aside, and I will spare you the humiliation of defeat.

Picture Dude: Looks like I?m gonna have to teach y?all some manners.

[Fighting]

Clay: Hahh! Uhh! Aah!

Omi: Yuck! Ancient spit!

Raimundo: Uhh! Ah! Uhh!

[Gross]

Omi: Hyah!

[Chimes]

Omi: Huh?

Kimiko: Sorry Omi.

Clay: Next stop, Cactus Creek.

Dojo: The nearest I can tell, this is Cactus Creek. Or? Cleveland. Hmm. Tough call.

[Chimes]

Omi: Finally! My Wudia Weapon!

Clay: Easy there, partner.

Omi: Uhh!

Clay: Or you?re gonna wind up with more needles than a Siamese porcupine.

Omi: Come here, my Wudia Weapon. Here, boy! Here! [Whistles] Come here, boy! Yes! It has heard me!

(Cacti come alive)

Kimiko: Looks like we?ve got company.

Cactus: [Roars]

(Commercial)

Cactus: [Roaring]

Raimundo: It?s time to show these weeds whose top of the food chain.

(Fighting)

[Grunting and shouting]

All: H! Aah! Aah! Aah! Uhh!

[Kimiko, Rai, and Clay land on cactus needles]

Omi: Hyah! Hyah!

All: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Kimiko: Omi, are you OK?

Omi: (stuck to a cactus) (angrily) I have a thousand needles in my backside. What do you think?!

Clay: Wudia Crater Earth!

[Roars]

[Rumbling]

Clay: Come on, Omi. Time to make hay.

Omi: My Wudia Weapon!

[Snarling]

Omi: (reaching) Eee!

Clay: Oops. Sorry partner, but I think it?s sweet on me.

Dojo: All aboard! Next stop, anywhere but here!

Jack: I?d say they can?t be more than a half-day?s ride ahead. Aah!

Raimundo: Dojo, you don?t look to good.

Dojo: Its Dojo?s Little Brown Surprise. I feel it backing up on me. (burps)

Kimiko: Omi, I think we?ve found your Wudia Weapon.

Omi: No! This cannot be! My Wudia Weapon is a pitiful stick! And guarded by nothing.

(Wudia Weapon tears)

Omi: Oh, I am sorry. I did not mean to hurt your feelings. (Grabs Weapon)

(Ground falls out beneath them and warriors fall into underground lake)

Clay: Where are we?

Kimiko: My guess, another creepy cave.

Clay: Looks like we hit pay dirt. The Treasure of the Blind Swordsman!

Guardian: Who dares to enter?

Raimundo: Yo. Blind dude. We?re over here.

Kimiko: Uh, we?re on a quest to find the Treasure of the Blind Swordsman?

Guardian: You must be the Xiaolin Warriors that I?ve heard so much about.

Omi: And you must be the Blind Swordsman.

Guardian: No. I am the guardian of the Treasure, protector of its magic, keeper of all its glory.

Dojo: Um, blind and chatty.

Guardian: Who said that! Who?

Clay: How about we take a look inside your treasure chest, partner.

Guardian: According to quest rules, your bravest must defeat me in battle in five moves.

Then the chest is yours.

Omi: But I cannot fight you. You?re old, and blind.

(Guardian smacks Omi)

Guardian: And I fight dirty! You have four moves left.

Omi: You fight very well for not knowing where you are.

Guardian: Who are you?! I thought I was fighting a cowboy!

Omi: Oh, he is standing behind you.

Guardian: What? Where?

Guardian: Ah, the oldest trick in the book. Master Fung has taught you well Young Warrior. You have earned the right to take a look and behold all its glory.

Raimundo: What up? It?s empty!

Guardian: Sometimes, one must look closely to find what one is truly looking for.

Clay: I?m afraid we came a long way for nothing.

Kimiko: At least we still have our cool Wudia Weapons.

Clay, Raimundo: Yeah!

Omi: Uh? Anybody wish to trade? I will do your chores.

Dojo: Hey guys, can we go? I think I now know the surprise in Dojo?s Little Brown Surprise. (farts)

Omi: What about the blind old man? We cannot just leave him here, in this cave.

Guardian: What? I live in a cave?! (Echoes)

Jack: Outlaw bots, attack!

Jack: Well howdy!

Omi: Jack, you stand no chance against our most powerful Wudia Weapons.

Jack: (Laughs)

Omi: Shimo Staff! What do you do?

Clay: Big Bang Meteorang! Uh-oh. (Screams)

Raimundo: Blade of the Nebula!

Kimiko: Arrow Sparrow! (Destroys wagon) Oops!

Omi: Perhaps the magical weapons need batteries.

Jack: (laughs)

Wuya: Excellent work, Jack. With much dumb luck and assistance from the monks, you somehow managed to win.

Jack: And now to count my booty. Hey! Where?s my booty?!

Dojo: Anybody got some antacid, or a bucket?

Jack: OK eagle eye. Where is it? Where?s the treasure?!

Wuya: We?ll just take pops with us. We have ways of making blind swordsman talk. Evil ways! (laughs)

Omi: No! You cannot take him!

Jack: Sorry cheese ball. Just did! Outlaw bots, saddle up!

Omi: Hey!

Clay: (gasps)

Guardian: Hey! Who is that? Where am I? I need to use a bathroom!

Wuya: (to Jack) What about the treasure chest?

Guardian: What? That?s disgusting!

Wuya: (to Jack) What about the treasure chest?

Guardian: What? That?s disgusting! You, you were talking to me?

Jack: Forget the chest! It?s empty! We got a train to catch. (Train whistle blows)

Jack: Once again Jack Spicer rocks. Time to take this evil on the road! Heehaw! (Coughs)

(Commercial)

[Ropes creaking]

Raimundo: Didn?t blind dude say something about looking close to see what you?re looking to see?

Omi: Yes, but I do not think looking is one of his strengths.

Raimundo: But what if he was talking like the Fung-Meister? When you?re looking but not really looking. Maybe if we concentrate and picture what we?re looking for, ready?

All: Whoa!

Spirit: You have summoned the spirit of the Blind Swordsman, loyal to whoever possesses the treasure chest.

Raimundo: So, how about showing us how to use our new weapons?

Spirit: Open your mind and trust that your weapon will show you the way.

Omi: Shimo Staff! Ha! Oh ho! My weapon and I are most magnificent!

[Smooch]

Clay: Big Bang Meteorang, do your stuff! Ha! Huh? Whoo! Well, I?ll be a 3-legged centipede!

Kimiko: Arrow Sparrow! [Boom] Burn, baby, burn!

Raimundo: Blade of the Nebula! Huh? Hah! Whoo! I got the power! Hoo! Hoo! I got the power!

Omi: Come, Dojo. We must rescue the blind old man at once!

Dojo: Bad news, gang. Looks like Dojo?s got a dose of whatever was in the surprise!

[Rumbling] I?m afraid I?m grounded! [Burps]

Clay: Oh, man, that just is not right!

Raimundo: Hey! Hey ghostly dude, we could really use some help. Got any ideas?

Spirit: Look to the treasure chest.

All: Whoa! Wow!

[Neighing]

Clay: Whoa! Nice steeds.

[Hee-haw hee-haw]

Omi: What about the chest?

Raimundo: It?ll just slow us down. We?ll grab it on the way back.

[Neighing]

[Train chugging]

[Glass clinks]

Jack: What?s a 4-letter word for idiot?

Wuya: Jack.

Jack: Perfect!

[Boom]

Jack: Huh? I believe this is your stop. Outlaw-bots, attack!

Outlaw-bots: Yaah! Yaah!

Clay: Big Bang Meteorang, do your stuff!

Jack: Aah!

Omi: Shimo Staff! Huh! Ya! Ha! Yaah!

Raimundo: Blade of the Nebula! Ha!

Kimiko: Arrow Sparrow!

Wuya: Jack, grab the wu and let?s ride!

Guardian: First you have to get by me.

Jack: Aah!

Guardian: I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown Trio.

Raimundo: Come on, lets take ?em!

Omi: No. We cannot dishonor his challenge.

Jack: Our Thorn of Thunderbolt and Silk Spinner against your Mantis Flip Coin? and the Treasure of the Blind Swordsman!

Guardian: The game is emperor of the train. Last man standing wins.

[Toot]

All: Let?s go! Xiaolin Showdown!

[Train whistle blows]

All: Gong yi tan pai!

[Whistle blows]

Jack: Thorn of Thunderbolt!

Guardian: Aah!

Jack: Unh!

Wuya: Silk Spinner! [Gasps]

Guardian: Ha ha ha ha!

Wuya: Unh!

Jack: No way! How?d you do that?!

Guardian: There are other ways to see than just with your eyes! Ah!

[Grudged shouting]

Wuya: Unh!

Jack: Aah!

Guardian: Perhaps you?d like to surrender now.

Jack: Perhaps you?d like to keep your disses to yourself, four-eyes!

[Record scratches]

Wuya: He?s blind!

Jack: Even better! Time to double-team, Mr. No-eyes! Ha ha! Jack?s on an evil rant now! Thorn of Thunderbolt!

Wuya: Silk Spinner!

Guardian: Mantis Flip Coin!

Jack, Wuya: Aah!

Raimundo: Way to kick butt! Especially when you can?t see butt.

Omi: I do not understand. How can someone without sight fight so well?

Guardian: [Sighs] Again with the questions. It is quite simple. I use my mind to see rather than my eyes. (loudly) Didn?t you hear me before? That is the secret to the treasure chest. The answers to all your questions lie inside. You just have to look.

Raimundo: The treasure chest! We left it back on the trail!

Kimiko: Uh, you left it back on the trail.

Guardian: Now, if you?ll excuse me, I really must find the bathroom.

Kim, Rai, Omi: Oh! Aah!

Clay: Ha!

[Lasso crack]

Clay: I believe it?s the other way, partner.

[All laughing]

[Commercial]

[Sizzling]

Omi: The Treasure of the Blind Swordsman is gone!

Raimundo: This is all my fault for leaving it behind.

Clay: Oh, what no good hombre could have taken it?

Dojo: Hmm. I have a pretty good idea.

[Wolf howls]

Hannibal Bean: With the Treasure of the Blind Swordsman mine, soon, the rest of the world will follow. Raah! Ha ha ha ha ha!

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